Dear Canada,
it’s been almost a month since I left you, but I still haven’t quite grabbed how much you changed for me. It’s been an honour living in a country like you, experiencing your crazy weather, your gorgeous landscape, the pride of being Canadian, the best hikes I’ve ever done and – most of all – your people. The moment I touched German ground I started missing the Canadian mentality, the way how (most of the) Canadians don’t decide whether they like you or not before they start talking to you. I also miss the Canadian way of impressing yourselves, folks! I can’t help it but say „abOUt“ or „hOUse“ or an „eh?“ at the end of my sentences. (I know you guys still don’t believe me you do that!)
I simply fell for you head over heels. I fell in love with each and everyone of you. My Canadian grandma (there is just no words in this world to describe you) and Dale, who is not (and will never be) much of a talker but is the most loving grandpa I’ve ever seen. I fell in love with Nadine and Colin and the way you build your life around and for your awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome, AWESOME kids. Maggie will be a true leader one day! I fell for your calmness, Vernon, you give people such peace when being around you. I always pictured my favourite author being exactly like you – polite, quiet, genius. I fell for Maria and Marc and their kids, how this incredible woman is giving her best, each and every day, to show her kids how much they are being loved. Thank you, Martin, for being so overly generous to let me live in your apartment in Vancouver – how can one not fall in love with Vancouver living exactly where I lived? Thanks to Sharka, for giving us more than six weeks of an experience of a lifetime we’ll never forget – letting us in to your family was outrageous and meeting you is one of those moments in life where I can only shake my head, smile and thank God to be alive.
My thank you goes to everyone, no exceptions, I met during my Canadian adventure. There’s so many I can’t even name. I’ve had one of the deepest conversations of my life at the Vancouver Sea Wall – I can’t even remember his face and after two hours we left without exchanging names or addresses. Thanks for that, too, dude! Whether we talked for the whole night or two; or whether we’ve only been able to share a smile – I fell for all of you. Thanks for sharing your stories with me, guys!
I am grateful for all the overwhelming emotions I’ve had during this year – I can only say: IT’S BEEN INTENSE!! All the homesickness, all the fear, each and every tear I’ve cried; it’s been so worth it. If I hadn’t suffered that much, I would’ve never been able to feel that intensively happy and gifted. And by this I mean that kind of happy where your mind simply stops making any noises and that kind of gifted where you can’t move because you are so overwhelmed by the thought you might deserve exactly that.
And for the records: All of you where right. Now that I’m back home, back to everything I’ve missed so deeply and desperately, I am homesick for Canada. But this feeling is – though overwhelming – neither good nor bad. It’s simply … energetic. It shows me how blessed I am.
And as my homesickness didn’t keep me from enjoying every breath I took in Canada, it now does not keep me from appreciating every sound, every smell and every view here in Germany. Back home.
I have started taking pictures again. Pictures of things I see every day. Things I took for granted before I went to Canada. I could cuddle our dogs all day long and almost start crying as soon as they wag their tails to greet me. I see the beauty and am stunned of how SAFE one feels home. Being woken up by my little sister (early in the morning, I’ve just gone to bed and am so f***** hungover) is one of the most beautiful things I can picture. Laying in my bed listening an Harry Potter audio that I know inside out, is suddenly one of the most exciting and adventourous things I can imagine to do. It’s the little things, now that I’ve missed them I started realizing, that make me feel home. Like the sound the wind makes when it rushes through the trees in front of my window. Or the sound of the horses galloping over the pasturage in the middle of the night – it’s funny, it does make a sound, but for some reason I have the impression I rather feel than hear it. As if the sound changes the rythm of your heartbeat.
Going abroad has thaught me how blessed I really am. I’ve been through a lot, no question, but everything that lays ahead is shining bright. I have a basis of love, I have a home I can always come home to, I have friends that I can sit in silence with and, most of all, I have faith that everything will be great in the end. If it’s not great, it’s not the end.
Again, thank you. I will be back. And I can't wait to show the people who have given me a second home my home back home.
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| BEST PART OF BEING BACK HOME! |
